Preparing for Big Brotherhood

We started planting seeds about big brotherhood even before we were matched with Michael. And Louis took it all in stride.

We shared the news with Louis the night we received our referral for Michael. He seemed a little excited and a little confused. Figuring out when Michael will come into our lives is confusing, especially since our best guesses on timing are so uncertain. I've told him that Mama and Baba will go bring Michael home "after we go to the beach." When are we going to the beach? "When it gets really hot." Every morning now, Louis says, "Mama, it is hot?"

During the past two months since first seeing Michael's picture, it has been interesting to watch Louis get more accustomed to--and curious about--the idea of bringing a little brother into our family.

One day two weeks ago Louis and I were looking at a new photo of Michael. Louis commented on his little brother's hair, the ball he was playing with, the letters on his shirt. Then he fell silent. He was holding his stuffed Puppydog as we looked at the pictures, and I said, "Puppydog, how do you like the picture of Michael?" Puppydog, in his high-pitched, slightly whiny voice said, "But I don't remember him." "Neither do I," I said, "and neither does Louis or Baba. We've never met him." It was then I realized that we had never explained to Louis that these weren't pictures of a little boy we already knew.

The other night we were playing Candy Land, and it was bothering Louis that we had three people to play the game and four game pieces. "This one can be for Michael," I said, and we stood the blue figure on the side to watch our game. Louis seemed pleased. He really likes things to match.

The next night he was playing with his Trios. He made ice cream cones out of the blocks and brought them to John and me. "One for Baba, one for Mama, and one for Louis," he said, placing them on the table. "And this one," he said, holding the fourth one up, "is for Michael."
 

You can imagine how happy Louis's parents were that night.



Because we had read the Berenstain Bears' new baby book, one of Louis's first questions was a practical one. In the book, the father takes the son to the forest to build him a new bed. He gets home and his new baby sister is sleeping in his old bed.

Louis takes books very seriously, and we had read the story a few times. Out of nowhere one day he said to me, "Mama, is Baba going to take me to the woods and build me a new bed?"

"Do you have aches in your knees and pains in your legs?" I asked.

"No," said Louis.

"Then I think you're OK for a little while," I told him. He was satisfied.

Over the past two months, though, it has become clear that our boy was getting ready to move out of his crib--and our social worker advised us not to make the switch from crib to bed near the time when Michael came home. Don't ask how many times we have debated whether the timing was right or whether to keep Louis in his crib, which he adores (and which I'm a big fan of). But he seemed to like the idea of the big bed, and my whole plan of waiting until we got our LOA to make the change was frustrating me. Our LOA just doesn't seem to be forthcoming, and what if it arrives at a time when it's inconvenient to change Louis from crib to bed?

So this morning we decided to take the plunge. We didn't exactly go to the woods.

Instead, Grandpa came to the house to help Baba--and Louis, who is always happy to help, and is legitimately helpful, especially when tools are involved.

Louis was excited about trying out the bed, the top bunk from our bunk-bed guest room (soon to be Michael's room).

I was worried that maybe Louis was a little too excited and might not want to sleep, but...well...so far, so good. I'm cautiously optimistic.

After his first nap in the bed, I asked Louis whether he liked it. "Yes, I do," he said. "Does Puppydog like it?" I asked. "No," Louis said. No surprises there. Puppydog can be a little bit of an Eeyore. "Does Cat in the Hat like it?" I asked. "Sounds good," said Louis, in his typical response when things are OK. Of course, the Cat is always happy. But I'm hoping we're all right.

Big brotherhood. These are unchartered waters for our boy, but we're hoping he's well on his way.